Volume VII
"Viva Las Vegas� Elvis Presley
This weekend approximately 400 people gathered at the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino for what I consider the
WORLD’S LARGEST GARAGE SALE!!!
Yes, that’s right. Just when you think you’ve seen and heard it all
Lisa-Marie Presley-Jackson-Johnson-Smith (or whatever she’s calling
herself these days) loads the truck and heads west.
How did she come to make such a decision? I think it probably started like this:
Hello, Psychic Friends Network Dionne speaking…
(If Elvis wasn’t so big he’d be turning in his grave)
The bidding was higher than projected and auctioneers were stunned
when the “Aloha from Hawaii” cape went for $85,000 to a “socialite”
from Houston.
Webster’s dictionary defines Houston Socialite as…
A REDNECK WITH MONEY!!!
Other items that sold were…
The Colonel’s Cadillac ($75,000)
A Black Jumpsuit ($65,000)
A Wristwatch ($32,500)-Which incidentally was purchased by Swatch (makers of those shitty little plastic watches)
A black polyester shirt ($8,500)-To an Elvis impersonator
A chair with African carvings from the jungle room ($15,000)-probably another “Socialite.”
The total take on this auction will be an estimated
$4 million dollars.
(I think I’m going to be sick)
(Yeah, I’m sick)
I am a collector of memorabilia. I started collecting sports cards
when I was a child. I see nothing wrong with having a role model or an
idol, someone you look to for inspiration, but this is ridiculous. You
can’t blame Lisa-Marie she is only trying to make a buck. The
frightening thing is that someone would pay $15k for a tasteless circa
1970’s African jungle chair that probably didn’t match anything in
Elvis’s neighborhood and I’m sure it won’t match anything in the
purchaser’s trailer park…
“Nadine, you’ve done gone and 2nd mortgaged the trailer for that
zebra chair. I wuz gonna use that equity in our home for Nascar
tickets!!!”
(Buy something meaningful, like the King’s prescription card)
Isn’t this how religions are born? If you look at the similarities in Jesus and Elvis it’s scary.
People flock to pay homage to the King & the Son of God. (Daily)
They were both seen everywhere after their deaths.
(Christ was seen by the disciples and Elvis was seen by nearly every Burger King employee in the Midwest)
Jesus used to drink pressed-tea and Elvis at one time drove a Christ-ler. (Boycott Chrysler-Elvis drove one and now he’s dead)
I can go on and on (I think you know that by now)
I have a prediction.
(Unfortunately, none of us will be here to see if I am going to be right)
In approximately 1000 years Elvis will be an established religion
and will compete with Christianity. The religion will appeal to the
youth and be accessible to all because of the media
(movies, records, etc…)
When was the last time you heard a really good Jesus album?
They will preach peace, love, polyester, music and fried banana sandwiches…
I’m feeling a little exhausted and in the words of The King,
“I’m all shook up.” Until next time…
Thank you, thank you very much…