Volume IX
999: The Year In Review...

t’s that time of the year when everything is new. One can sense change in the air, a renewed sense that everything is going to be alright…well you’re not at Jude’s page you’re in Dave’s World and everything is as screwed as it was in 1999!!!

In the closing moments of the last decade of the century someone decides to stab George Harrison.

THE QUIET BEATLE!!!

Who could he have possibly pissed off when he’s been in exile since the 80’s? And how did this nutcase get into his estate? And why do the Beatles seem to be dropping like flies while The Village People are breathing like there’s no tomorrow? I smell a conspiracy…

Daimler-Chrysler (I think I might have mentioned them before) is venturing into space. That’s right, SPACEHAB, Inc. a group venture between NASA, Daimler-Chrysler and Mitsubishi is planning to launch the new pressurized space module “Enterprise” sometime in the not to distant future. (My entree “We Owe Dave $3,300.00” in the “Name the Spaceship” contest finished a close second behind “Enterprise”)

Boycott Chrysler Products

Other Ridiculous News Stories:

Y+2+K = HYPE (Enough said)
Pokemon, pronounced poke-a-man (the San Francisco treat)
The Backstreet Boys (speaking of poking men)
The Blair Witch Project (????)

I’m bored with this already, let’s get back to ranting…

I’m already sick of this year!!!
In Miami, a governmental tug-of-war is raging over a six-year-old Cuban refugee. Elian Gonzales has more public support than Desi Arnaz ever had and has not sung one chorus of Bubbaloo…

Since when does the American government support taking children away from a legal parent? I’ll tell you when. When it’s convenient and some politician may get some votes. If this is the case I think I need to take Brittany Spears away from her parents (and I’m not giving her back!) I can’t believe that my tax dollars are being used to keep a child from his father, especially when the child was entering the U.S. illegally in the first place!!! Screw him and Castro!!!
(That ought to generate some hate mail)

Atlanta Braves pitcher John Rocker has been ordered to undergo psychological testing for his recent comments about New York. His racially tainted statements about subways, AIDS, homosexuals, foreigners, and people with purple hair have outraged Major League officials and the public.
(Hey, I know what it’s like being next to someone with purple hair, I do it three times a week and I have to admit, it’s pretty dangerous and traumatic)

I’m getting very exhausted. I’ve been under the weather and medicated (heavily) that’s probably why this update lacks the tact and continuity of my previous updates. (Yeah right)

I will close this volume with a promise to you the reader:
“I promise that wherever stupidity dwells, I will be there. Wherever injustice lurks, I’m there too. Wherever there are politicians, dead Kennedy’s, dishonesty, disease, urine filled plastic bottles and people that piss me off, I’m there dude. (See previous issues) It is my goal to bring you the news that others just glaze over. (The important stuff) And I will continue to go where few travel to bring this to you.”

And why you ask?
It’s because I care. I’m getting sentimental and I’ve either cried or wet myself, I really can’t tell…

Well, another century has passed and for those of you that honestly do not know, it’s NOT the new millennium. That will occur January 1, 2001. (They’ll start advertising “The New Millennium” again in October)

Let’s hope that this century is everything we want it to be. (Chris said that the 1900’s were a lot better than the 1800’s so maybe that trend will continue)

Bye.